Monthly Archives: August 2008

Responsibility Meltdown

That’s what I like to call it anyway. 🙂 You see, about a month ago, I had these feelings of being completely overwhelmed with life. So much of my life feels like responsibility these days. And yet, there is no real ability to be free from it.

For example, the day that I was having this said, “meltdown”, I am talking to Jason about it all and crying. The kids walk in the room and start saying, “Mommy. I’m hungry. Can you fix me something to eat?” To which I turn to Jason and say, “Point proven! Did they come in here and say, ‘Daddy’? No, they said mommy.”

I think I am realizing that I “own” a lot of things in my life. Whether that ownership is placed on me or not. I have this horrible problem of not wanting anything to fail – an idea, relationships, my parenting skills (HA!), health, etc. Which then throws me into the whole control problem. I can’t possibly let things just “come as they may”. What if it fails? There must be some way I can make it work or make it better or whatever the thing is.

But, I am seeing it clearer now. That is why I am even able to write about it. Maybe it will serve as an encouragement if you can relate.

You see, God is getting me to a point of focusing more on Him. Afterall, when you are busy controlling everything, there isn’t much time for God. And honestly, there is a trust issue there as well. Will He really work such and such out? Don’t I need to do my part? If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

Those are all the lies I hear in my head. Which gets me to these places in life where I feel overwhelmed.

The past couple of weeks have been good. We have been in and out of town. Lots of relaxing times and fun times. Time to just be away from the normal responsibilities and pressures of life. It has been really nice! I am just hoping that I can stick with the whole “trusting God, looking to Him, allowing Him to show me what I need to do, etc”. It will be really difficult for me these next few weeks because we are about to embark on changes. Natalie will be starting Kindergarten, and Nicholas will be starting Pre-K. But hopefully I can remain focused on God, and remember to invite Him into this change and seek Him for direction!


Filed under In my Brain